Tragic Backstory

And some good news!

Hey all,

First off, news:

Undead and Unwed is headed to Italy, baby!

You might remember the lengthy apology I wrote regarding the MPR podcast I was on. Feel free to listen to that here. My mom and my friend Paula think I did great. Usually it’s not as bad as I think.

My fave romance. I’ll write a whole post on it one day.

Also, I don’t know how you feel about buying elections, but my loyal members of Smut U (I run a fake university for real writers called Smut U), are actively purchasing the America’s Favorite Couple throne (I wrote about this contest a few posts back.). All the money goes to feeding the unhoused and saving the oceans. Maybe I’ll try running for a real office next. This is just my practice run. Watch out, Tim Walz!

If you don’t know, and I suspect you don’t, because the book isn’t out yet, Undead and Unwed has a significant therapy subplot. Everyone is in therapy these days, including my vampire. My inspiration for this plot line was Tony Soprano and Dr. Jennifer Melfi. I still can’t get over Tony Soprano and the baby ducks. What a brilliant flip on the mobster trope.

My inspiration. Maybe I’ll do a whole post on vampire therapy later.

Because of the therapy subplot, I started watching a lot of TikTok therapy accounts. RaQuel the Capacity Expert is my favorite. This morning, she came across my feed. A few lines into the reel, she says, “Be careful not to build your identity around your wounds.” Her statement struck me because it’s all romance writers do. We all know people who do that too. Listen to RaQuel, everyone! She’s got good advice in one minute chunks.

Anywho, romance writers lovooooooooooe wounds. If you aren’t in the community, you might not understand how serious I am when I say this. We LOVE wounds. Most romance novelists own a dog-eared copy of a book called The Emotional Wound Thesaurus. Actual entries from the Thesaurus include: “Being raised by a narcissist” “Growing up in a cult” “Watching someone die” “Being the product of a rape” “House fire.” We find a wound (for our character), write a backstory around it, add commitment issues and a six pack, and “voila!” It is a fucked-up build-a-bear workshop and the exact opposite of RaQuel’s advice.

The wound is not to be confused with the fatal flaw, which you might be more familiar with. The flaw is a negative character trait, hubris or capriciousness or whatever, whereas, the wound is pain from the past that might have caused the flaw. I don’t remember talking about wounds until four or five years ago. I can’t help but wonder if increased mental health awareness bled into fiction. These days, we’re understanding the shit out of our characters.

Or maybe we always did and I’m just catching up. It’s not like characters in the 80s didn’t have wounds. All those fucked-up heroes were neglected by their fathers as children. Can you remember a book where the hero’s dad didn’t spend years managing the estate and refusing to say “I love you,” leading to an emotionally unavailable, but rich duke who was only good at fencing and fucking? And then, the heroine through her sparkling wit, endless patience, and lavender eyes was the only one with the ability to house train him. Tell me the entire genre isn’t a reaction to toxic masculinity. We are operating within the patriarchy. I’m trying to write my way out of it, but not there yet.

Portlandia!!!

So when RaQuel said, “don’t define yourself by your wound,” I was like, “duh.” But also, I wake up every day, make up a character and am like, “What’s your problem? Let’s dig in.” If you write someone who’s already been therapized, where’s the arc? Give me that hot mess with a bleeding wound and I’ll show you a solid character.

In Undead and Unwed I gave my main character, Tiffenie, a distinct wound. When she was a brand-new vampire, she caused the death of her best friend by breaking vampire code. Three hundred years later and she still refuses to participate in the vampire community, which leaves her isolated, lonely, and more than a little dysfunctional. I swear, it’s a good read. Go buy a copy.

So anyway, if you hadn’t already picked up on this, The Emotional Wound Thesaurus is just the DSM for writers.

And, here I am!

Just kidding. I actually don’t use this book. I know I read it once because there are margin notes, but I didn’t build-a-bear any emotionally scarred heroes after reading it. In my experience, I don’t really know what’s the matter with my characters (or myself) until a few drafts in.

But anyway, let’s move on to books and movies.

What have I been reading?

Yesterday, I picked Daphne up from tennis and she specifically asked that I not play any vampire sex scenes with her friend Sydney in the car. Funny she should mention that because I was listening to So Thirsty at the time. In my defense I have no recollection of having played vampire sex for minors in the carpool lane, but Daphne claims I subjected her friend Olivia to explicit vampire sex and it has been an inside joke for them ever since. (You’re welcome, I think.) This tracks because I was trying to finish Christine Feehan’s The Dark Prince before book club. And in that case, I’m sorry to both of them. Christine Feehan—whoo! Maybe “Scarred by my mom’s nasty audiobooks” is an entry in The Emotional Wound Thesaurus. But to be honest, I don’t think I’m the first to shock Olivia because the word on the street after the last meetup was—“Olivia’s mom is cool with bestiality.” Whatever girls. I’m cool with Olivia’s mom being cool with besitiality because I assume Olivia’s Mom is just reading Morning Glory Milking Farm or something.

Rachel is the cool girl of horror. Her fashion, her prose, her covers. I can only aspire.

I leave you all with a quote from my daughter’s foundational trauma, The Dark Prince by Christine Feehan.

“She propped herself up on one elbow so that her thick mane of silky hair spilled across her body, a thin veil over her breasts.
His gut clenched hotly at the sight, his dark eyes going black with a sudden flare of desire. She laughed softly, the sound sultry in the night. “I think you could have sex all night and never be sated.”
He bent down to taste temptation, his tongue bringing her nipple to a hard peak. “I would very much like to give it a try, sivamet--my love. I could lose myself in your body.”

Until next time,

Sam